Before you start writing

Three lines is enough for the initial email to your boss. You do not owe details about the death, the depth of the relationship, or how you are coping. The point of this email is to tell your manager you're out, when you'll be back, and what won't get done while you're gone. Everything else is for later, in person, when you're ready.

If you're reading this right now, take a breath. You are not the first person to need to write this email and you will not be the last. The structure is simple: what happened, when you're out, what to do about your work, and (optionally) what you need from your team. Below are 30+ templates organized by who you're writing to and how much you want to say.

1. Emails to your boss

Send this first, before you tell HR or the team. Keep it short. You can email or Slack — whichever matches your normal communication. If your manager is also a close friend, a one-line text first ("I just lost my dad. Email coming.") is fine and often appreciated.

Parent loss

Short · 2 sentences
Subject: Bereavement leave — out next week
Hi [Manager], My father passed away this morning. I'll be out through [date] on bereavement leave. I've messaged [coworker] about [project]. I'll check in when I'm back. [Your name]
Medium · 4 sentences
Subject: Family loss — out [dates]
Hi [Manager], I'm writing to let you know my mother passed away last night. I'd like to take bereavement leave from [start date] through [return date]. I've asked [coworker] to cover the [project] standup and I've handed off the [deadline] to [coworker]. I'll be reachable only for true emergencies and will reply to everything else when I'm back. Thank you for understanding. [Your name]
Longer · with context
Subject: Bereavement leave request
Hi [Manager], My father passed away yesterday after a short illness. I'm planning to travel home for the service and to be with my family. I'd like to use my bereavement leave starting today through [return date] — that's [N] business days, which I believe is within our standard policy. If I end up needing additional time, I'll let you know early next week. For coverage: [coworker A] has the [project] standup, [coworker B] is the primary point of contact on [deliverable], and the [meeting] on [date] can be rescheduled. I'll set up an OOO and route urgent items to [coworker A]. I appreciate the support. I'll plan to be back in [day of week] standup unless I let you know otherwise. [Your name]

Spouse loss

Short
Subject: I need time — bereavement leave
Hi [Manager], My wife passed away yesterday. I'm taking bereavement leave starting today. I'll be in touch when I'm able to come back to work. [Your name]
Medium
Subject: Family loss — out indefinitely
Hi [Manager], I'm writing to share that my husband passed away on [date]. I'm requesting bereavement leave and would like to plan for [N] weeks initially, with the possibility of extending. I've already let [coworker] know about my active projects and we've drafted a coverage plan I'd like to share with you. I'd appreciate a brief call when you're available to talk through next steps. Otherwise email is the best way to reach me for the next [N] days. Thank you, [Your name]

Sibling loss

Short
Subject: Bereavement leave — [dates]
Hi [Manager], My brother passed away over the weekend. I'd like to take bereavement leave from [start] through [end]. [Coworker] has the standup covered and I'll set up an OOO this morning. [Your name]
Medium
Subject: Sibling loss — out next week
Hi [Manager], I'm writing to share that my sister passed away on [date]. The service is on [date] and I'd like to take bereavement leave from [start] through [end] to attend and be with my family. I'll hand off the [project] update to [coworker] before I'm out and the [deadline] is already in good shape. I'll be back on [date]. Thank you for understanding. [Your name]

Child loss

Medium · longer leave
Subject: Bereavement leave
Hi [Manager], I'm writing to share that we lost our son on [date]. I'm requesting extended bereavement leave — I'd like to plan for [N weeks] initially and we can revisit at that point. I'll work with HR on the logistics. Please share the news with the immediate team if and when you think appropriate. I'd prefer not to receive condolence emails for now — a brief message to you or [coworker] is enough and they can let me know who reached out. Thank you, [Your name]

Grandparent or extended family

Short
Subject: Out [dates] — family loss
Hi [Manager], My grandmother passed away on [date]. I'd like to take [N days] off — [start] through [end] — to travel for the service. [Coworker] will cover the [project] standup. Back on [date]. [Your name]

Friend (when policy doesn't cover it)

Short · PTO request
Subject: PTO request — [dates]
Hi [Manager], My closest friend of 20+ years passed away unexpectedly. I'd like to take [date] as PTO to attend the service. [Coworker] can cover the standup. I'll be back on [date]. Thank you, [Your name]

Pet loss

Short · PTO or remote day
Subject: Working from home / out tomorrow
Hi [Manager], We had to put our dog down last night after [N] years together. I'd like to take [date] as PTO — I'm not in a good place to focus today. I'll be back in normal cadence on [date]. Appreciate the understanding, [Your name]

2. Email to your team

You don't have to send this yourself — many people prefer to ask their manager to share the news to the team on their behalf. If you do send it, keep it brief, set expectations clearly, and signal whether you want to talk about it or not. Both choices are normal.

Short · "don't reach out for now"
Subject: I'll be out next week
Hi team, I'm out from [date] to [date] following a death in the family. [Coworker] is covering the standup and is your point of contact for anything urgent. I'd prefer not to receive condolence messages for now — I'll be back in normal cadence on [date] and we can catch up then. Thanks for the support, [Your name]
Medium · "kind notes welcome"
Subject: Out for the next two weeks
Hi team, I want to let you all know that my mom passed away on [date]. I'm taking the next two weeks for bereavement leave. [Coworker A] is covering the [project] standup and [coworker B] is on point for the [deliverable] launch. I'll have very limited email access. If you have anything kind to say, a short message is welcome — I just may not reply until I'm back. I'll be back on [date]. Thank you all, [Your name]

3. Email to HR

Standard HR notification
Subject: Bereavement leave request — [your name]
Hi [HR partner], I'm writing to formally request bereavement leave following the loss of my [relationship] on [date]. I've discussed with my manager, [name], and we've agreed I'll be out from [start date] through [return date] — that's [N] business days. Please let me know if you need any documentation or have additional paperwork. I'll plan to coordinate any extension directly with you and [manager] if needed. Thank you, [Your name]

4. Out-of-office (OOO) auto-responder

Your OOO is read by clients, vendors, recruiters, and strangers. Keep it neutral. There's no need to mention the bereavement.

Standard OOO
Subject: Out of office until [date]
Thanks for your email. I'm out of office until [return date] with limited access to email. For urgent matters, please contact [coworker name] at [email]. I'll respond to everything else when I return. [Your name]
Brief, with reason (optional)
Subject: Out of office
I'm out of office on family leave through [date]. For anything urgent, please reach [coworker name] — [email]. Otherwise I'll get back to you when I return. [Your name]

5. The return-to-work email

This email matters more than the first one. Coming back can be the hardest part — the world moved on, you didn't, and the inbox is full. Set expectations cleanly so your team knows how to be helpful and what to avoid.

Short · "I'm back, let's go"
Subject: Back today
Hi team, I'm back today. Thank you all for covering the last two weeks — I appreciate it more than I can say. I'm catching up on the [project] threads first and will be in our usual 1:1s starting tomorrow. [Your name]
Medium · "kind notes acknowledged"
Subject: Back — thank you
Hi team, I'm back today after my leave. Thank you for the kind notes and for covering while I was out — both made a real difference. I'm easing back in this week, prioritizing the [project] launch and 1:1s. I'd prefer not to talk about my dad's passing at work for now, but I'm grateful for the support. If something I touched while I was out is bumpy, please let me know and we'll fix it together. [Your name]
Longer · with a request
Subject: Back today — quick note
Hi team, I'm back today after our family loss. Thank you all for covering — I read [coworker]'s updates and the team carried things beautifully. A few notes as I ease in: · I'm picking up [project] this week and aim to have [deliverable] back on track by [date]. · I'm operating at maybe 80% energy for the next few weeks — I'll flag if I need to push something out. · I'd appreciate keeping conversation at work focused on work for now. The grief is real but I want my workdays to be a place where I'm not actively in it. I'll let you know if that changes. Grateful to be back with you all, [Your name]

6. What to avoid in every version

7. If your manager handles it badly

It happens. A manager who doesn't acknowledge the loss, who pushes back on the leave, or who immediately starts handing you new work is showing you something about your work environment. Note what happened, take the leave anyway, and after you're back — consider whether you're at the right company. The way an employer treats people during the worst week of their lives is the most honest culture signal there is.

For perspective on what better looks like, browse companies in our Culture Directory filtered for Safe-to-Fail — the companies that score well there tend to handle bereavement, parental leave, and personal emergencies with more grace.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much detail should I include in a bereavement leave email?+
Less than you think. Three lines is plenty for an initial email to your manager: who passed, when you'll be out, and a one-line handoff plan. You don't owe details about the death, the relationship's depth, or your emotional state. Most managers prefer brevity in these emails — they're processing the news themselves and don't want to feel they're prying.
Should I email or call my boss about a death in the family?+
Send a short email first — it creates a record and doesn't require you to be composed enough to talk. If you have an established working relationship and the loss is immediate family, a brief Slack message before the email is also appropriate. A phone call is rarely required and is usually harder on you than on your manager.
How long is standard bereavement leave?+
In the US, most employers offer 3-5 paid days for immediate family (spouse, parent, child, sibling) and 1-3 days for extended family. Some progressive employers offer 10-20 days for immediate family. The federal FMLA doesn't specifically cover bereavement but related conditions may qualify for unpaid leave. Check your employee handbook before you write the email — you want to ask for what's already standard at your company.
Do I need to share who passed away?+
You should share the relationship (parent, sibling, spouse, etc.) because most bereavement policies are tied to family proximity. You do not need to share the name, the cause of death, or any other detail. "A close family member passed away" is enough if you'd rather not specify.
What should my out-of-office message say during bereavement leave?+
Keep it neutral and brief: "I'm out of office until [date]. For urgent matters, please contact [coworker name and email]. I'll respond to other messages when I return." There's no need to mention the bereavement in your auto-responder — strangers, clients, and recruiters are reading it too.
How do I write the return-to-work email after bereavement leave?+
Short and forward-looking. Thank the team for covering, mention any priorities you're picking up first, and signal whether or not you want to talk about what happened. "I'm back. Thank you for covering last week. I'm catching up on the X launch first and will be in 1:1s as usual. I'd prefer not to talk about my dad's passing at work for now, but I appreciate the kind notes." That last sentence is optional but powerful — it sets expectations cleanly.
Am I allowed to take bereavement leave for a friend or pet?+
Most US policies don't formally cover friends or pets, but many managers will approve PTO or a personal day for either. Lead with the ask, frame it accurately, and don't conflate it with immediate-family bereavement. "My best friend of 25 years passed away. I'd like to take Friday as PTO to attend the service." Reasonable managers say yes.

Looking for a company that handles personal moments with grace?

Browse companies in our directory filtered for psychological safety and supportive culture.

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